This column was first published on The Malaysian Insider.

That slight tremor you felt was not the rumbling of a bomb exploding in a nearby forest. Nor was it a big-haired lady shifting in her seat to remove a mega-diamond from her suitably-luxurious handbag. Nor was it some heavy machinery collapsing from a ridiculously safety-bereft construction site. No, although all those things are very commonplace in Malaysia, that slight tremor cannot be attributed to any of them. For it is the return of “Ask Lord Bobo” which is responsible.

For readers who are unfamiliar with Lord Bobo, pull up a chair, get comfortable, rest your much-maligned bottoms, and prepare to be enlightened. For those of you who already know of this hyper-intelligent wonder-typewriting monkey, well, read on anyway lah.

His Supreme Eminenceness Lord Bobo Barnabus is the brains, heart, liver, and spleen behind the most amazing blawg in the known and unknown universe, and beyond: For it is through his and their (for Lord Bobo is/are one/triune/legion all at once) infinitely infinite (and not at all flighty) wisdom that several of his most loyal minions are regularly mind-controlled to run the most awesome blawg.

In December 2010, a few of Lord Bobo’s most loyal minions were mind-controlled to start a weekly column channeling the wisdom of the hyper-intelligent wonder-typewriting monkey. This column found a home in a humble publication called the “Selangor Times”. Through the “Ask Lord Bobo” column, Lord Bobo lent his omniscient qualities to answering queries submitted by readers over the course of almost 100 columns (you can read all of these columns here). Sadly, the Selangor Times was discontinued in April 2013.

The good news for readers of The Malaysian Insider is that Lord Bobo in all his munificence has mind-controlled the LoyarBurokkers to revive “Ask Lord Bobo” here on The Malaysian Insider (TMI). And all it took to convince the TMI editorial team was a few bottles of halal whisky!

So quickly, before they sober up, go ahead and submit your questions via an email (keep the questions short, sweet, or bitter please) to [email protected] or on Twitter by tweeting your question and mentioning @LoyarBurok with the hashtag #AskLordBobo.

Being the personification of human (and non-human) rights, Lord Bobo believes in freedom of expression, and welcomes all questions. There are no rules, and no restrictions on the questions that can be asked. His Supreme Eminenceness is open to all your profound, abstruse, erudite, hermetic, recondite, sagacious, and other thesaurus-described queries. But of course, if you ask silly questions then Lord Bobo’s minions also have the freedom to ignore you, or make fun of you.

The wisdom of this universe and all the surrounding universes are now made available to you, so ask wisely. Now, what the hell are you waiting for? Hear This And Tremblingly Obey (although Trembling is optional if you are somewhere very warm)!

Ask Lord Bobo is a weekly column by LoyarBurok where all your profound, abstruse, erudite, hermetic, recondite, sagacious, and other thesaurus-described queries are answered! It is the ONLY place that...

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