The Brilliance of Zahid Hamidi

Aerie Rahman lauds Malaysia’s new Home Minister and his radical contributions to the nation’s politics.

Move aside Khairy Jamaluddin and Saifuddin Abdullah — we have a new poster boy for change within the Barisan National power structure. Not used to flamboyance and only recently baring the fangs of radicalism, Zahid Hamidi has sparked a debate on a new form of politics: migratory politics.

With his decree demanding that those who are unhappy with the current political system migrate to republican states, this man is a maverick. He is braving the tide by countering Najib Razak’s efforts to stem the pernicious bran drain beleaguering this nation.  We need more mavericks within BN! Not mere “yes men” whose servitude are repulsive, but men with independent minds. Zahid fits the bill. This is a man to watch, Malaysia!

I see that Zahid is a very clinical man who is impetuous and wants a better Malaysia as fast as possible. The Prime Minister has called for a national reconciliation. This is echoed by the spokesperson of UMNO, Khairy Jamaluddin (a rare breed within UMNO, where he can string up a sentence without any grammatical error).

But let’s be realistic here. National reconciliation doesn’t happen overnight. With a heterogeneous nation like Malaysia, finding the right balance is extremely difficult. It’s a long process which happens gradually. We’ve been trying for 56 years and we still identify each other by our racial identities. I don’t think I’ll be seeing a “national reconciliation” in my lifetime. And I’m 22!

Throw a rock at Jalan TAR and it’ll probably bounce off a great many who are dissatisfied with the political process. Based on this Jalan TAR thought experiment, Zahid’s idea implies a mass exodus. This is wonderful for national reconciliation! Don’t you see? Those who are unhappy are gone, leaving a homogenous nation whose political ideologies are crony capitalism and lemon socialism! Race and religion is probably not an issue anymore since everything has become one. A united Malaysia, at last.

To oil the wheels of migration, your humble servant has a few proposals that Zahid Hamidi should forward to the cabinet. The first is to freeze the efforts of Talentcorp. Don’t get me wrong, Johan Merican is a smart guy. But luring in people who left the country by providing material incentives screams of disingenuousness. Once the incentives are gone, they’ll migrate away again. So Zahid, take note, please stop whatever Talentcorp is doing.

Alternatively, a bit of rebranding for Talentcorp could help. To do this, utilise the government-linked public relations firm Pemandu to burnish Talentcorp’s image. Change its name to Migratecorp. Amend the memorandum of association to reorient their goals, to helping Malaysians who are dissatisfied with the political process to migrate abroad.

Looking at the conditions of the global economy, decent employment is hard to come by. It’s difficult for non-EU citizens to secure jobs in the UK. Since Malaysia’s economy is doing relatively as BN claims, this is the opportune time to facilitate migration abroad. Use the petroringgits from Petronas to help Migratecorp resettle migrants into their country of choice. Create new jobs in the West exclusively for Malaysians.

This is going to be the largest social engineering project undertaken by the BN administration since the NEP. I’m excited!

I have no qualms if Mr Zahid wants to take credit for these modest proposals. No need to mention my name. Maybe putting me as top priority for this mega-project would be a kind gesture. I’ve always wanted to try and live in New Zealand. I’ve never heard of racist attacks there compared to Australia or the UK.

So Mr Zahid, let’s make it happen! Pretty soon you’ll engrave your name in the history books as the Home Minister who created homes for Malaysians abroad. Now that’s radical.

 


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Posted on 20 May 2013. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0.

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5 Responses to The Brilliance of Zahid Hamidi

  1. Pepper Lim

    Nice!

  2. Musa_Ng

    Aerie Rahman,

    You are a bad boy :)

  3. ahkowchai

    Can I sign up for a place in MigrateCorp? New Zealand is also ok with me.

  4. Noreen

    I thought this article is about Zahid Hamidi but why picked on talentcorp? Care to enlighten?

    • Brick on The Wall

      You have overlooked the fact that this article is being very sarcastic about Zaid Hamidi's 'migrate elsewhere' statement. It completely contradicts the efforts of TalentCorp thus the writer is sarcastically giving more suggestions on how to 'hijack' TalentCorp. He is not picking on TalentCorp, he is being sarcastic about Zaid Hamidi's arrogance. Enlightened enough?