Ask Lord Bobo: Smart people entering politics, and Lord Bobo on Earth

From the Selangor Times 31 August 2012. Ask Lord Bobo is a weekly column by LoyarBurok where all your profound, abstruse, erudite, hermetic, recondite, sagacious, and other thesaurus-described queries are answered!

Why do seemingly intelligent people join political parties? (Non-partisan, via email)

There are many reasons, divided generally into five categories: community service, financial gain, politics, power, and seemingly-for-no-reason.

First, community service. These are people who are driven by the noble, altruistic aim – they see politics as a platform to promote the “good life”.

These well-meaning souls want to use the platform that joining a political party affords them to create “good lives” for all, or a substantial majority of, citizens.

These people genuinely believe that there are issues and problems in society, and political parties are one of the mechanisms to more effectively solve these problems.

That is why you see many MPs and ADUNs having community centres in their constituencies. To them, politics is a pure, selfless service. Many pro-establishment political parties such as the MCA take this route to gain popular support – who has not heard of Michael Chong?

The second category contains the exact opposite of the first – these are the “leeches” (usually business people and contractors) who think that because they have stronger ties with political leaders who may subsequently assume leadership of national or state governments, they will benefit financially.

They join political parties to be noticed, to create stronger relationships and latch on to leaders in the hope that they would be awarded business contracts or monetary deals.

Those who join political parties for financial gain may hate party meetings that go on for ages without conclusion, but passionately shout party slogans or incessantly tweet in order to be seen and heard.

If your party leader becomes the menteri besar who now wants to hold a massive Hari Raya function, will he call on someone he has met at the party congress or on someone he has never met? Even if the award is by “open tender” would the award be granted to a company known in party circles, or an unknown company?

With Twitter, it is easier than ever to be “visible” to party bigwigs even if you are a nobody. Just repetitively tweet support for the party or the individual leader, mention him, and re-tweet by re-tweet, your name will embed itself into his subconscious. Don’t worry about appearing like a bootlicker, because there are always many bootlickers out there who are more than happy to re-tweet your tweets and agree with you, no matter how stupid or repetitive they are. Before you know it, you are on first name terms with the party bigwigs, and perhaps can even call yourself a Twitter sensation.

Third, there are those who join parties because they love politics and to politick. Remember when we were in school? There would always be that one student who would complain to the teacher about others or suck up to him or her, thereby becoming a “pet”?

Usually, this category consists of the younger, idealistic, “I-Want-To-Change-The-World” group (who later find out changing internal party politics first is more imperative due to the numerous times he has been backstabbed – and who is then too distracted removing daggers from his back to be bothered about changing his stained white shirts, let alone the world) or the much older generation who have too much time on their hands complaining in coffee shops about politics. Avoid this group at all costs.

The politico wants power to feel important or to think that others will respect him or her. These people are usually short or have low self-esteem. They need to continually validate their sad existence on earth by speaking at ceramahs spouting political rhetoric. “Tumbang! Tumbang!” or “Bangsa!” “Bangsa!” they would be heard saying not knowing what the statements mean. Repeated glorification of their leaders is their trademark, as is the slick hairstyle.

The final category of people – the ones who join political parties for seemingly no reason – have no meaning in their lives, and are bored. They like the thrill of being part of a party with many people and a great deal of energy.

This is the easiest way to make friends and be part of a “like-minded” crowd. These folk love the herd mentality so much that they become sheeple. Imagining a “better” country, they would join political parties only later to be driven to suicide.

But hey, no offence to any readers who are members of political parties. Lord Bobo is sure that there are some genuinely intelligent individuals who choose to join political parties, just like there are wonder typewriting monkeys who exist only in cyberspace.

Lord Bobo, do you ever visit Earth? How about Malaysia? I’d love to meet you someday. (Rendezvous, via email)

You may have read about a supposed case of vandalism in a Spanish church last week. According to many news reports (you can easily find these online), a 100-year old fresco in a Roman Catholic church in Borja called “Santuario de la Misericordia” was vandalised by an 80-something Spanish woman in an attempt to restore the fresco.

This vandalism story is rubbish of course, as anyone who has had a proper look at the images of the restored image will know that it is indeed His Supreme Eminenceness’ beatific visage – though obviously we were having a bad hair day.

Lord Bobo appears regularly on Earth – and especially regularly in Malaysia, where our most beloved minions are.

Like love, beauty and happiness, we are everywhere – you just have to know how and where to look.

Free your mind! (Alternatively, head on down to the LoyarBurok Rakyat Centre in Bangsar Utama. Hey, we’re having a party for the first anniversary of the launch of UndiMsia! on Sept 15. Rumour has it that Lord Bobo will indeed be there.)

Have a question for Lord Bobo? Call on His Supreme Eminenceness by emailing [email protected], stating your full name, and a pseudonym (if you want), or tweeting your questions by mentioning @LoyarBurok and using the hashtag #asklordbobo. What the hell are you waiting for? Hear This, and Tremblingly Obey (although trembling is optional if you are somewhere very warm)! Liberavi Animam Meam! I Have Freed My Spirit!

You can read archives of all the Ask Lord Bobo columns by clicking here. These are the divinely-inspired words of His Supreme Eminenceness Lord Bobo Barnabus PhD SP GBE OMGWTFBBQ.