The Seven Ps. Wynton Marsalis. Prince. The Darkness. And More. Here’s the definitive soundtrack for love.
Proper Preparation and Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance. This standard operating protocol of a covert branch of the CIA tasked with monitoring superhuman activities in Garth Ennis’ “The Boys”, is equally applicable to Valentine’s Day. If you don’t want to screw it up, you gotta think about creating the right mood for the right moves. So, as a gesture of goodwill towards us upright apes, His Supreme Eminence Lord Bobo, a.k.a The Lothario of Love, has commanded me to share with you His Lordship’s meticulously picked soundtrack for the Day.
WYNTON MARSALIS – “IN THE COURT OF KING OLIVER”
The first track in Wynton Marsalis’ “Standard Time vol 3: The Resolution of Romance”, this happy, spritely instrumental jazz piece is the perfect audio tonic to kick start your morning when you wake up on February 14. In fact, you can continue listening to the rest of the album to ease you into consciousness, and set you in the mood for love.
THE DARKNESS – “GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY WOMAN”
During the day, you may need to fend off the competition. There is no chorus more appropriate for this task than “Get your hands off my woman motherfucker” to show that you mean business. And if your singing can match Justin Hawkin’s ultra high pitch, your girl will be astounded and you can be rest assured of hitting third base later that night. Maybe even sooner, like a quickie in the broom cupboard, should lustiness be high.
BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN – “FIRE”
For that jaw dropping moment, when the door opens and you see her for the first time in her resplendent dinner dress. The lyrics and Bruce’s voice capture it perfectly:
Late at night, I’m takin’ you home
I say I wanna stay, you say you wanna be alone
You say you don’t love me, girl you can’t hide your desire
Cause when we kiss … fire
Forget the Babyface and Des’ree version, Springsteen’s the real deal.
BRENDA RUSSELL – “PIANO IN THE DARK”
You’ve got a dinner reservation at Bestari. You’re going to dine over candlelight chapati. You’re wondering what you can do to spice it up, other than with fish head curry. We recommend “Piano In The Dark” to accompany your dinner walk-in. There is magic every time the sublime chorus comes on. Everything in the song is perfect. Ms Russell at her best.
ALICIA KEYS – “IF I AIN’T GOT YOU”
So, both of you have finished desert and mango lassi. How about an after dinner waltz starting with “If I Ain’t Got You”? Reminiscent of classic Motown, this song elevated Ms Keys from young nu soul upstart to serious R & B artist who is here to stay.
TAYLOR SWIFT – “TODAY WAS A FAIRYTALE”
And then there is the drive back to yours, or hers, or the RM50.00 per hour (excluding service tax and contraceptives) hotel room. Things are going well; both of you are heady with anticipation and a little anxious about what comes next. This Taylor Swift song from the Valentine’s Day movie soundtrack will do nicely to keep things upbeat. If the song was food, it would be quality ice cream – sweet, enticing, made with full cream milk.
COUNTING CROWS – “SULLIVAN STREET”
The best song from Counting Crow’s best album “August And Everything After”, the opening slow guitar strum of D and G chords are eminently suited to accompany the first of many deep prolonged kisses on the sofa.
HIM – “DISARM ME (WITH YOUR LONELINESS)”
Before the going reaches a crescendo, you need to pop in this little gem of a track from His Infernal Majesty’s latest album “Screamworks”. The band’s angst ridden song is a catharsis; the climax (of the song) occurs at 3.38 to 3.48, when frontman Ville Valo executes his scream (of the spurned lover, and not the blood curdling, variety). Just so you know.
PRINCE – “HOW COME U DON’T CALL ME ANYMORE”
For post coital snuggling and chill out. Falsetto vocals over irresistible piano rhythm, this is Prince at his playful best. Guaranteed to stick in your head like the US$24,000,000.00 ring allegedly ordered by Rosmah. Alicia Keys’ version sounds flaccid compared to the original.
And with that, His Supreme Eminence wishes you all a Happy Saint Valentine’s Day and concludes with a quote from His dear friend Shakespeare: “If music be the food of love, play on“. Yeah, baby!