I am doing this for work, not for pleasure, okay?

From free food to free porn, what’s not to like about being a journalist?

I love being a journalist. It is a job with many benefits. I get to eat well when doing food reviews. I get front row seats in concerts. And recently, I even get the chance to view voyeuristic pornography as part of my assignment as well.

Wow! I love being a journalist. It puts me on a totally different plane. Mere mortals can’t view the tape. Even MPs need a special invite. But as for me, I get to see it first. How wonderful. How I love it. Just imagine, the sights, the sounds, the movements, the thrill.

I am doing this for work, not for pleasure, okay?
I am doing this for work, not for pleasure, okay?

Yes! I love being a journalist. The very thought of it is orgasmic. Sure, I would be kicking a man whilst he is down. I know Anwar’s struggling with his ongoing sodomy trial. I know this would put undue pressures on him and his family. I know I would be inflicting pain and agony on him. Wait, I seem to be saying this all wrong. Let me try again.

Yes, I get to kick a man whilst he is down. Yes, I get to report whilst he gets shut out. Imagine Anwar gagged and bound. Yes, I get to inflict pain and agony on him. Oh yes, the sensation, the thrill, the joy I feel. Oh yes! I love being a journalist!

Some people think that journalists ought to ask hard questions. What utter nonsense. I have seen the tape with my own eyes. I heard Datuk T with my own ears. Everything is crystal clear. What is there for me to ask?

Do you actually expect me to do homework? Am I suppose to investigate who this mysterious Datuk T is? Must I think through his story to check it for consistency? Should I even ponder whether he has any history with Anwar? Do I need to question his links to the prostitute? Should I wonder why the tape is made available at this particular time when the Sarawak elections have just been called?

How unreasonable. I don’t deserve to be put through this hardship. I deliver an honest day’s work for an honest day’s wage. I did go to Carcosa Seri Negara, and that is exactly what I reported. I did see the tape, and that is again exactly what I reported.

Let’s face it. This is what journalism is all about. I went, I saw, I heard, I wrote. That is what I did when I wrote the Agony Aunt column. I did the same when they promoted me to the accident beat. I did the same again when they promoted me to be senior writer for entertainment news. And I will continue to do the same when writing lead stories like the ones about Anwar’s sex tapes. I know I am a good journalist. My bosses know I am a good journalist. And the whole country sure did enjoy this particular expose I wrote.

I love being a journalist. I will never rely on third party information. That is why you never see me writing stories about how “I visited Malaysia-Today” and “I read about how our PM (fill in the blanks)”. No way, Jose. These are crass, frivolous, irresponsible and calumnious reporting. That is what those online setups do.

Not me. I belong to a respectable and serious-minded mainstream newspaper. I stick to the facts. And these are the facts:

“I went to Carcosa Seri Negara.”

“I saw a tape.”

“I heard Datuk T explain the tape.”

No add-ons, no personal opinions, no subjective thinking applied, no questions allowed.

I love being a journalist. Sure, there are some inconveniences that come with the job. I am expected to comply with the Canons of Journalism, or so I am told. I’m not sure what the Canons of Journalism are. I have never met a journalist who knows except those crazy unionists. They tell me that I should not have written the Anwar expose. They think that Datuk T’s attempt to conceal his identity is a case of “lempar batu, sembunyi tangan”, an act of cowardice not worthy of a lead story.

But huh! What do they know? I have been around long enough to know that what gets whispered in secret always ends up shouted from the rooftops. In just a matter of days, the identities of the threesome who make up Datuk T were revealed. And boy, am I glad that I have been proven right. The collective Datuk T announced that they exposed Anwar because they were being nationalistic. They knew good Muslims would not be able to accept Anwar as their leader. See? I knew they had the best of intentions.

The world is such a better place because of journalists like me.

A certain managing editor of a mainstream newspaper lamented recently that his previous high regard for lawyers were misplaced. With the Anwar’s sex tape expose, Kheng Hoe thinks that the lamentation may be applicable vice versa.

6 replies on “I Love Being A Journalist!”

  1. Thank you for holding the media accountable. If only there are more citizens who would speak up demanding for better quality journalism (and journalists who think!)!

  2. Me too. Love the privileges. Can view porn in public and endorsed by government too.

  3. Siewchinteo, I disagree with you big time. Every job has its role to play in society thus regarding one as better than the other is not a wise thing to do. After all, Being a journalist is all about presenting the truth to the public and being loyal to its readers. I believe such a profession brings the noble essence of our very being compares to being a lawyer that fights for both right and wrong.

  4. If a person is not talented enough to be a novelist, not smart enough to be a lawyer, and his hands are too shaky to perform operations, he becomes a journalist.

    Norman Mailer

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