I must begin by saying that I’ve always been a hopeless romantic. Whenever I get on a plane, I always look forward to meeting the person sitting next to me because there is a chance that he/she might end up being the love of my life (I use the phrase loosely, but I hope this does not suggest that I am of loose character).
Just like in the movies. Mr/Miss Right, will (at 38,000 feet) tell me that they too have an obsession with otters and Alice in Wonderland – and just as I’m falling asleep, they will whisper in my ear that they are in love with me, and that they also happen to be heir to a middle-eastern oil mining empire…
I have recently been studying Polyamory. The reason for this newly developed interest, or whether I myself am now a follower, is not important. However, an observation I have made on how the proper adoption of this lifestyle could positively affect society, may well be.
Over the years, I have observed that unless they marry the first person they’re romantically involved with, many, if not most people are serial monogamists. It’s not a bad thing – variety is after all the spice of life.
I think it was Plautus who said “Spice a dish with love and it pleases every palate”.
How true, for I too have met many a dish who pleased me well in return for the promise of love, if only a sprinkle.
Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that I have found that there are plenty of Mr and Miss Rights all over the place! How convenient! For we can’t always be at the right place at the right time, where the right people are more likely to lurk. And Mr/Miss Right, if and when we do meet them, may take a turn for the worse, possibly a wrong one. And then where would we be? (Well, in this example, around the corner from where we were previously. But we may not always be so lucky!)
In my study of Polyamory, I have learnt that being polyamorous is about being open and honest, and accepting of differences. With most relationships, there exist elements of jealousy and possessiveness. Polyamory is concerned not with the elimination of the two emotions, but rather the acknowledgment of the same, with a view to resolving the dissatisfaction in the best possible way, so as to achieve a heightened level of love and a sustainable, as well as peaceful, long-term relationship.
Although it may carry different meanings to different people, I am inclined to agree with the Wikipedia definition of Polyamory:
Polyamory, often abbreviated to poly, is sometimes described as consensual, ethical, or responsible non-monogamy. The word is occasionally used more broadly to refer to any sexual or romantic relationships that are not sexually exclusive, though there is disagreement on how broadly it applies; an emphasis on ethics, honesty, and transparency all around is widely regarded as the crucial defining characteristic.
“Emphasis on ethics, honesty, and transparency all around”
In the world of romance, there are many individuals who claim to be polyamorous, but are in fact, mean-spirited cheaters who have found a good excuse for infidelity. They bastardise the sacred concept of Polyamory and, as a result of that, cause hurt and suffering to their partners.
Instead of being honest about new love interests or sexual partners, these meanies conceal information from their current partners because they are not responsible enough to deal with the consequences i.e. being patient in resolving any potential jealousy or possessiveness which their current partners may feel in response to news of this nature. This is not only inconsiderate, but highly inconsistent with the spirit of polyamory. It should not be condoned under any circumstances.
When I become Dictator, these meanies will be shot on sight. This may seem extreme to you, but allowing one cheater to live is to cloud the judgment of many.
Let me elucidate here.
It could be said that John’s relationship with the Government of Mookoo Mookoo Land is of a polyamorous nature, albeit, not in the “true” sense of the word. But we are, whether we like it or not, always in some kind of relationship with our Government.
In this situation, the Mookoo Mookoo Government has convinced John that it is capable of loving/preserving the interests of more than one. It has convinced John that love does not divide itself, but simply multiplies. It is a Government who has promised to address whatever dissatisfaction John may feel in the best possible way.
John, in turn, has placed his faith in the Government, except it has not kept to its word. It has not delivered the promise of honesty, ethics, and transparency all around.
So what do you do when a partner has not kept true to the spirit of polyamory?
You leave, of course. What else is left?
An arrangement like this is about sincerity and is based on trust. Once that trust is breached, the arrangement is, by default, off. Even if you didn’t physically leave, it cannot be denied that it is now a faulty one. It’s broken and you need to acknowledge that because you can no longer achieve anything through this relationship. It’s as good as a broken pencil – pointless.
Unfortunately, as with all relationships, there are bound to be those who are afraid of change. These are people who have allowed themselves to get so used to the arrangement they’ve worked so hard to maintain (and I’m not saying it’s easy not to do this) that any change would lead to them being thrown into a state of uncertainty. Uncertainty is not a good thing to some people for they no longer feel they know which way to go.
Of course, as the Cheshire Cat put it, which way to go depends a great deal on where one wants to go – which most people don’t seem to know to begin with.
To put it quite bluntly, these types of people are then fucked either way.
But for those who subscribe to the spirit of polyamory, isn’t it a wonderful thing that there are plenty of other Mr and Miss Rights out there? Roaming the streets, day in and day out, hoping that you will hear them out and give them a chance to love you in whatever arrangement suits you best? Indeed, you should give them a chance, for you never know what they have to offer.
With that in mind, can you now also see how easy life will be for you when I arrange for the cheaters to be shot on sight? Believe me, darling. I only have your best interests at heart…