Life and Death are interests of mine.
I have a conundrum to throw at you. Try to think this one out.
1. You seem to be quite inclined, as an example, to the philosophies of Buddhism and the Zen, which is cool and interesting, but do you not think that these philosophies very readily give you the solution to your complaint of being “tired” in life?
2. I believe the fundamental principle of Buddhist thought has always been ending Attachment in order to reduce Suffering. If that were to be the case, why continue to Attach yourself to the illusion of security that your job and family provides?
3. Aren’t these the very cause(s) of your Suffering – the constant need to want to live up to the expectations of your family and your boss which seems to be taking a very serious toll on your mental health.
3. Why not do what you really want to do?