“Human Rights, You’re Damn Right!”: Iskandar Abdullah

The second prized speech by Iskandar Abdullah at the recently concluded Bar Council Public Speaking Competition held from 9 to 12 December 2008. As “host” of a TV show, he delivers with much gusto reasons we should embrace the “Human Rights product”.

Good evening ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls and all you viewers out there, to the highest rated show on the planet – “Human Rights, You’re Damn Right!”

(Applause)

Thank you, thank you. This show has the highest viewership everywhere. Our ratings beat out the numbers of Aids, Crack, Cocaine, Heroin, Alcohol, Tobacco, Asprin, Accidents, Fire and Murder victims combined.

This is because the plague of Human Rights Violations claims more victims globally everyday and beckons us for a cure. That prayer has been answered my friends, through the creation of the “Human Rights Cream”, the miracle solution for the 21st century. So welcome to the show that shows you all its benefits and all its great uses. So say it with me now, “Human Rights, You’re Damn Right!”

(Applause)

OK folks, let’s see how the HRC can improve your standard of living. But before that, let’s look into the properties of this fine product. It’s durable and survives the test of time so long as humanity remains relevant. It has an impressive ability to withstand Governmental pressure as well as the weight of Simple Ganesh & Dolphin Boy (the WUPID team members) combined. That is no mean feat folks!

It’s also portable, easy to store, requires no refrigeration, MSG-free and not tied to any conditional aid whatsoever.

Amazing and revolutionary isn’t it? Wait till you hear about its medical benefits.

Are you a person that itches at the discomfort of others in pain? Worry no more, a simple application of Human Rights to the affected area will grant the user powers under Article 5 resulting in the protection against torture or cruel, inhuman or degrading punishment.

Do you know any friends that cringe at constipation due to keeping their opinions all bottled up inside? Suffer no more, just mix Human Rights with a glass of water and drink twice a day. Your friend would now be endowed with Article 19 that guarantees the right to freedom of opinion and expression. The user is now able to hold opinions without interference and to seek, receive and impart information and ideas through any media regardless of frontiers. So why wait? Call the number on your screen now and recommend this elixer of life to your fellow comrades.

Human Rights can also be applied to your household happiness. Men and women of full age, without any limitation due to race, nationality or religion, have the right to marry and to found a family. They are entitled to equal rights to marriage, during marriage and at its dissolution. A dash of Human Rights also ensures that marriages shall be entered into only with the free and full consent of the intending spouses. Remember folks, the family is the natural and fundamental group unit of society and is entitled to protection by society and the State. So apply generously and experience the wonders yourself.

So ladies and gentle persons, act now and call the number on your screen. Our operators are standing by. When we return, we shall discover how Human Rights improves your standard of living and helps corporations do business.

(Applause, return)

Welcome back ladies and gentlemen, now on to the crux of product. How does it improve your quality of life? Simple, it guarantees that others enjoy the same quality you do. It’s a basic right that everyone should enjoy. If people of societies are to thrive as morally conscious beings, it has to recognise the rights of the people around them. A person’s right to receive is intertwined with his duty to ensure others enjoy it as well. Apply vigorously and enter Article 25 where everyone has the right to a standard of living adequate for the health and well-being of himself and of his family, including food, clothing, housing and medical care and necessary social services, and the right to security in the event of unemployment, sickness, disability, widowhood, old age or other lack of livelihood in circumstances beyond his control. Sounds good? Let’s make it better.

Here’s an added incentive.

Motherhood and childhood are entitled to special care and assistance. All children, whether born in or out of wedlock, shall enjoy the same social protection as the above. What a great benefit, surely befitting any social policy your Government subscribes to right now.

Application of Human Rights also enhances the corporate sector. Studies have shown recent fluctuations in the market which pre-determines the shape of customer preference of the 21st century. People nowadays are spoilt for choice and not only buy goods and services but expect their vendors to use a portion of their proceeds to fight for a good cause.

They prefer corporations that exercise good Corporate Social Responsibility programs that improve living conditions or alleviate suffering. Liberal doses of Human Rights have been shown to produce CSR as a by-product. Companies that have used them experience a resurgence in their sales figures, enhanced corporate image and gain a favorable foothold in the public domain abroad and domestically. So what can you do to achieve this? Don’t sweat. Just call us up – our HRC representatives are standing by to take your orders.

But don’t just take our word for it – check out these celebrity testimonials. Angelina Jolie is a self-professed fan of Human Rights and creams herself up before any UNESCO meeting. She is currently a proud Ambassador of the product and continues to advocate its benefits to 3rd world nations all the while raising her beautiful twins in Malibu.

Kanye West has used Human Rights on various occasions included the stint he did against conflict diamonds in Sierra Leone. The darker side of these blood blings expressed by Kanye in his songs have brought global awareness to the plight and elevated Kanye’s status worldwide.

So if you’re convinced do not hesitate any longer and dial in now. You will receive a year’s supply of this amazing product delivered to your doorstep.

That’s not all, call now and receive free Human Rights support from the Asian Foundation. With 24 outlets across Asia from Bangladesh, Nepal, South Korea to Malaysia, they guarantee technical and moral support in all your endeavours that use Human Rights.

But that’s not all, lets look behind door no. 3 and see what we’ve got. You will also receive a free edition of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights Guidebook. Explore various other uses of human rights which includes education, refugees and freedom of association. All of this at no extra cost to you.

Well it looks like we’ve run out of time for now. So we’ll see you same time, same channel next week. I’m Izzie Ibanez, and you’re watching “Human Rights, You’re Damn Right!”

Goodnight.