From the Selangor Times 1 February 2013. Ask Lord Bobo is a weekly column by LoyarBurok where all your profound, abstruse, erudite, hermetic, recondite, sagacious, and other thesaurus-described queries are answered!

Dear Lord Bobo, I can’t decide between a Samsung Galaxy SIII and an iPhone 5. Please help me! (@S_Y_New, via Twitter)

“Please help me”? Of all the things you could have asked His Supreme Eminenceness, you choose to ask about the choice between two smartphones? Oh, you puny Earthlings and your piffling concerns.

In Alpha Omega Beta Kappa Epsilon quadrant of Alpha Centauri, the Mooquazars (of the planet Mooquaz, naturally) communicate with each other using the Feruka 9,00,0001 – the latest in  mind-communications.

A blink of an eye captures what you know of as photographs, whilst the twist of an ear activates the communication device embedded in the brain of these four-eyed, 10-handed, three-pawed, six-legged creatures.

So really, please don’t bother us with such trivial concerns until you’ve reached at least that level.

Oh okay, we suppose since this is the Selangor Times, we should bring ourselves to assist on Earthly issues.

So then, Samsung or iPhone eh?

It has come to Lord Bobo’s attention that many Malaysians have been faced with this choice between these two similar-but-so-very-different options.

The problem really is that there has emerged a blind partisanship between fans of both sides.

Supporters from both sides are convinced that their product is far and away better than the other one. They swear that this superiority is so obvious that those who do not agree with them must simply be unintelligent.

Supporters have been busy trying to convince everyone that their choice is the “popular” and “obvious” choice, and that those who support the other option are suckers for smoke and mirrors, hype, and publicity campaigns.

The problem with this blind partisanship is that people forget the fact that both options essentially perform the same functions.

What happens is that, in the eagerness to “support” and “promote” one option, people end up building up that option and placing it on a pedestal, resulting in it being untouchable.

Mere mortals should not dare question the supreme intelligence, superiority, God’s-gift-to-mankind nature of the chosen option.

And we end up idolising that which should in fact be serving us.

Anyway, enough about phones. Sorry we didn’t really answer your question. But thanks, at least it gave us the opportunity to speak about something other than Malaysian politics for a change.

Lord Bobo, I see many politicians are now promising to do a lot of good things if they are voted in. How come our politicians are suddenly so in tune with what the people want when elections are approaching? (Promise Me This, via email)

Ah, promises promises. As GE13 approaches (haven’t we been saying this for more than a year now?!), our dear politicians are queueing up to make promises after promises.

We’ve been inundated with promises about uninterrupted water supplies, lower petrol prices, affordable housing, better women’s rights, lower crime, cheaper cars, higher education standards, and bigger penises.

Well, no one’s actually said that last one out loud, but it doesn’t really look out of place considering the sheer ridiculousness of some of the promises we’ve been forced to hear and read about lately.

Obviously most of these promises are worthless.

For promises made by those who are already in power in the various States, the question really is why these promises could not have been fulfilled in the past four years?

Why now, as the election approaches, do our politicians suddenly seem intent to roll up their sleeves and address real issues?

The answer is simple – for most of these suddenly-oh-so-vocal politicians, the only “real issue” is “winning elections”.

We see so many real issues being deemed “sensitive” or “difficult” and just ignored. Deaths in custody. Our education system. Crime. Potholed roads. Ridiculously unaffordable housing. Income inequality. The list goes on. And on.

Go to UndiMsia’s YouTube channel at and watch the two latest #akupeduliapa videos.

What issues are important to you? Does your MP or ADUN speak up for issues that are important to you or your community? If not, why not, and what are you going to do about it?

If you do not play your role as a citizen, you should not be surprised if your MP or ADUN does not play their role as your elected representative.

Have a question for Lord Bobo? Call on His Supreme Eminenceness by emailing [email protected], stating your full name, and a pseudonym (if you want), or tweeting your questions by mentioning @LoyarBurok and using the hashtag #asklordbobo. What the hell are you waiting for? Hear This, and Tremblingly Obey (although trembling is optional if you are somewhere very warm)! Liberavi Animam Meam! I Have Freed My Spirit!

You can read archives of all the Ask Lord Bobo columns by clicking here. These are the divinely-inspired words of His Supreme Eminenceness Lord Bobo Barnabus PhD SP GBE OMGWTFBBQ.

Featured image accompanying article on main page courtesy of Steve Rhodes, source:

Ask Lord Bobo is a weekly column by LoyarBurok where all your profound, abstruse, erudite, hermetic, recondite, sagacious, and other thesaurus-described queries are answered! It is the ONLY place that...