#LoyarBogel: 5 Ways To Piss Off A Lawyer

LoyarBogel is generally patient. But these are five surefire ways to piss off a lawyer. And no, you’re not supposed to actually go and do these things.

1. Ask for a discount on the stamp duty

For the love of God, you are only entitled to a 50% discount on the stamp duty of your loan documents provided —

  1. you are a first time buyer; and
  2. your property purchase price is below RM400,000.

Or if you are taking an Islamic loan.

Other than that, YOU CANNOT HAS DISCOUNT!

Stop having the idea that we are trying to overcharge you. You can check how much we paid for your stamp duty by asking for a copy of your original Facilities Agreement. The stamp will actually show how much we paid on your behalf.

Here, I will teach you how to calculate the stamp duty payable for yourself:

Facilities Agreement (Original): Loan sum (excluding MRTA/MRTT/Legal fees) x 0.5% = RMX

Facilities Agreement (Duplicate): RM10.00.

Facilities Agreement (Copies x 2): RM10.00 x 2 = RM20.00.

Deed of Assignment (x 4): RM10.00 x 4 = RM40.00.

Power of Attorney (x 4): RM10.00 x 4 = RM40.00.

Letter of Offer: RM10.00 (penalty for late stamping RM15.00).

TOTAL: RMX + RM10.00 + RM20.00 + RM40.00 + RM40.00 + RM10.00.

Any discount you are entitled to will be deducted from the Original Facilities Agreement, NOT FROM THE TOTAL.

You try and ask for discount one more time, I will make an elephant sit on you and fart in your nostrils.

2. Threaten us

We do not appreciate you threatening us. Threats include sayings things like the following:

Either you come to my office/house to sign the documents or I will get my own lawyers to do it.

If we don’t win this case, we will not be paying your legal fees.

It’s either you give us a discount or I am going to another lawyer.

These threats will not work in getting things done your way.

This is how it works — if you are nice to me, I WILL go the extra mile for you. I will figure out every way possible to help you resolve your matter at your convenience. Screw with me, and you can go find yourself another lawyer who is willing to kiss your feet.

Please learn to respect us just as you would expect to be respected as a client. As a human being.

3. Ask for free legal advice

It is okay if you are going to ask a question or two about the law and how it works when we are meeting you on a different matter.

But asking us to actually look into a matter which you are by the way not paying us for, is not okay.

Our education did not come for free. We paid for our years of education and not to mention the money spent on bloody expensive books. For some of us who got a scholarship, we still paid for our degree with hard work, blood, sweat, and tears. We too, would very much like to be able to earn a living if you don’t mind.

If you cannot afford us, there is always the Legal Aid Centre. The lawyers serving the Legal Aid Centre are remarkable and can possibly give you better advice.

Do you go to the hospital and ask for a free surgery? Or maybe free medication?

4. Tell us how to do our jobs

Yes lah you are the smartest being in the whole wide world of Narnia.

Have any of you met clients who would tell you how to do your job? Oh, I’m sorry? The last time I checked, you came to me for help. Oh and BY THE WAY, I think I’m the one with the practicing certificate here. So… yeah that about sums it up.

GET YOUR OWN PRACTICING CERTIFICATE LAH!

5. Make unreasonable requests

I bet many of us get clients who have their unreasonable requests.

I once had a client who set our signing appointment at a temple. A TEMPLE. He insisted that I meet him there as his wife was pregnant, and she could not leave the house/temple. He gave me an address and I swear, the route to the temple felt like the perfect murder scene.

First I had to drive through a sea of tombstones, and then there was this empty land covered with trees which would make a perfect place to throw a dead body. So stressful. So so stressful.

I have had friends (women) telling me that clients would insist that their lawyer attend the signing over at their house. Clients should know very well that it can be rather dangerous for a woman to have to visit a stranger’s house on their own.

If you have any stories to share, please email me at [email protected] Please do not worry, your identity will forever remain a mystery. I will bring it to my grave.


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Posts by Loyar Bogel

LoyarBogel is 32/m/kl. He enjoys cycling and reading. He also... no wait. LoyarBogel is a lady. She has been in the legal field for about three years now. Or has it been nine? Confused? Me too. LoyarBogel will be exposing the naked bits (some sexy, some not-at-all-sexy) under the veneer of legal practice. And that's about all you'll need to know.

Posted on 12 March 2014. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0.

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5 Responses to #LoyarBogel: 5 Ways To Piss Off A Lawyer

  1. I didn't expect that, haha! But it truly will piss me off if someone does it to me :D Thank you for sharing!
    instagram online

  2. Johnny English

    Horrible grammar. Sad to think that this is the quality of our lawyers nowadays.