The Five Women You Will Meet on Earth

Dear my future son-to-be*, (to-be-named) Justin Case**,

On your short time on this planet, given your dad’s fantastic genes and Leong family charm passed down over the years, you will have met many women. More than you could possibly handle. While they say,  ”A bird in hand is better than two in the bush” people tend to forget than the Good Lord blessed us with two hands. Use them both well.

Here is a short brief on the sort of women you will possibly meet along the way. Of course, remember the first cardinal rule: Don’t date a hipster activist.

The Forbidden Fruit

What is most unattainable is most desirable

By virtue of religion, cultural background, age, or availability (ie: best friend’s girl?), she would be your ‘forbidden fruit’. The fact that you cannot have her, makes her all the more desirable. What is most unattainable, is more desirable.

It is the stuff of legends and how great men give it all up for love.

She could be bruised on her sides, there may be worms festering within her or she could be possibly be rotten to the core, that would not matter.

She could be a ‘pear’,  ’apple’ , ‘twig’ or a ‘fruitcake’ but that would not matter.

The fact that you cannot have her, means that you must have her, that matters.

Confusing? Do not worry you will meet her. The less you know, the better.

The Go-getter

The first thing you will notice in her is the drive in her. The passion in her and the meticulousness in her tightly tied bun of hair as she focuses on her work on her laptop. Thus, giving you ample time to look at her lovingly without her noticing. When she does look back at you, it would be after everyone has left the office, only for her to ask: “Where shall we go for dinner?

Remember this tip, son, never say: “Whatever you like, dear” but begin first by giving a false choice by presenting two choices, by saying “I feel like having Mexican/Chinese/Thai today at wherever-it-is or there’s this new place down the road” but always end with the ambiguous “Whatever you like, dear“.

She will look up, as a she-wolf raises her nose to determine which way the wind blows and she will most likely answer, “Up to you“.

The Go-getter is good to have while you are engaged in other pursuits as she would likely have her own. However, never attempt trivial pursuit with her, as she would out-smart you. Don’t do it, son! But if you do, let her know, you let her win.

The Athlete

Malaysian Squash Star, Nicol David at BacktheBid2020 Flashmob

Her handsome face with her short cropped hair with thighs that you would not want to be on the receiving end of a kick, the Athlete is one who would not mind getting sweaty with you.

Definitely, much easier to shop for, give her the latest racquet/sportwear for this Christmas, maybe?

She knows what she wants. A good run for her money. No, really, you will end up running marathons with her. Try your best to keep up with her.

Remember, son, to warm up well, invest in runners’ tape and a good pair of running shoes. She will cajole and taunt you into taking part in an Ironman’s challenge with her and soon, you will question your manliness. Man up!

Last but not least, do not mess with her heart or she WILL break your body.

The Activist

She never leaves home without this!

All about action – Placard in hand, loud-hailer in the other, the Activist is a force to be reckoned with. Governments will shudder, companies will listen, she will raise your ire and make you march with her.

She would march for her rights, the down-trodden of society – be it the cute furry ones and the not-so-cute-furry ones – but the point is, she marches. On and On. For many causes: for a green march,  be it against state violence, etc. Focused on her cause, it consumes her and perhaps you with it. But that is alright because you will learn about your constitutional rights, the ‘big picture’  and #198 Non-direct violent actions.

But behind all that strength lies great uncertainty. She will leave you one day, for she never held answers but only questions. Why did I ever fall in love with an activist, you will ask yourself. Maybe because she held strength for more than one. Strength that you thought you never had within in you. Just maybe.

The Religious one

A few tell tales signs of the religious one is she will ask questions like: “Which church do you go to?” “Will you come to church with me?” and “How much do you tithe (give) monthly to the church?“.

She will take you very literally, kind of like how some take it literally the world is only 4000 years old. You feel conflicted whether to try and explain her the idea of stories, myths and how the education system we have to do is rather young, since the Industrial Revolution and how religious dogma was a means of education but you will rather not challenge her beliefs.

Her preoccupation with form rather than function or commonly confusing one for the other. She would want to be told what to do and you may enjoy that.

All in exchange for joining her church services in the faint hope of winning her over further. Ah, the things one will do for ‘love’.

Remember to be comfortable in your own pants, before you jump into another’s, son.

But son, remember these are merely the forms women take. Stereotypes? Perhaps, but you will learn to see past them and see her for the woman she is. As Coco Chanel said:

Look for the woman in the dress. If there is no woman, there is no dress.

It is the psyche you are looking for – Heart, Body and Soul. Love her for all that.

“Which one is your mother?”, you ask. I am afraid you will have to ask her. If she asks me, I’ll cop out by answering sweetly “She’s all of them yet none of them yet much more, of course…” with a cheeky grin and change the topic quickly: “What are the 5 types of men you will meet on Earth?

* All paternal tests have thus failed. Kindly tweet all paternal claims at the writer, jleongmy.
** Just-in-Case, geddit?

Thanks to everyone who suggested the 5 types of girls you will meet in your life. Most popular response was: “Mother. Grandmother. Sister. Girlfriend. Wife.”

(Photo Source of Apple-eating lady: Dreamstime – Phildate )

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Posts by Joachim Leong

Egoistic? Ego-manical? Too philosophical? Reading between the lines? Trying too hard? Or just plain cheeky? Good, you're asking the wrong questions. Sometimes, we need to make all the right mistakes. Tweet at him - @jleongmy

Posted on 29 November 2012. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0.

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9 Responses to The Five Women You Will Meet on Earth

  1. Ian

    Funny. Really enjoyed that. I'd definitely play World of Warcraft Trivial Pursuit with the Go-Getter though. I'd definitely win! Haha.

    Go Getter

  2. Tim

    hahahah!!! its funny….but all more on the positive side

  3. Cool. Thanks for sharing that.

  4. Offensive but very funny!

    Suzie x

  5. That was very interesting, thanks for sharing.
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  7. Musa_Ng

    Very sound advice, indeed!!!

  8. yas

    stereotyping indeed, but funny though! ha ha

  9. Pepper Lim