Stuffing your face: Gluttony or Necessity?

Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a pauper. Oh my god! You forgot breakfast!

Eating is a waste of time. You wake up late for work. You go through the motions of hygiene, dressing and patting the tresses down. Bag, car-keys and you’re off. As you rush out, someone then quotes Adelle Davis, a well-known nutritionist to you, “Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a pauper“. And Oh My God, you forgot breakfast!

So you rush back into the house, gulp a glass of milk down in 15 seconds, and drive off. Indigestion sets in and you conduct the flatulent symphony all the way to work. All you’ve done is waste a precious 15 seconds of your life, consuming an edible. Just seconds too late to escape a prick who drives out of his house with an empty gas tank and breaks down at the busiest intersection on your office route. This is unnecessary and unwarranted stress in your life that you can live without. Girls, save your ovums. Men, save yourselves a laceration courtesy of a rear-view mirror shave-attempt.

An alternative to eating must be sought. Government funds should be allocated to dedicated research for an alternative to food consumption. The phrase “Live to eat, or Eat to live” may be quoted as a joke often, but it is always a case of “live to eat”. Generally, eating encourages gluttony and binge eating over anorexia.

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According to the World Health Organization (WHO), Malaysia is ranked sixth among Asian countries with a high adult obesity rate. Comparatively, there are only 5 cases of Anorexia Nervosa in every 16,000 people in Malaysia according to a study conducted by St Vincent’s Hospital in Australia on the “Frequency of Presentation of Anorexia Nervosa in Malaysia”. Eating causes many disorders that lead to mental and health problems. Your inability to “gird your loins” deals a blow. You become an XXL (which has no relation to diving or marine life), you buy two seats on a flight or can’t make it through cramped corridors.

A few suggestions overheard at a Psych Central Gluttons Anonymous meeting included food consumption by intravenous drips. The type you could attach to a compartment in your car and “eat on the go”. The downside to this was collapsed veins and the “junkie” status.

Another suggestion was to make shakes and carry them about in little flasks. That suggestion was met by a chorus of “We’d miss drinking a cuppa with our pinkies in the air”. The British are connoisseurs of food. Even in humour, food is central. As an old English joke goes, “A man walks into a doctor’s office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. “What’s the matter with me?” he asks the doctor. The doctor replies, “You’re not eating properly” “.

Esther Anandaraj observes and writes about anything that is obvious but taken for granted. She finds that the best way to get out of an awkward situation is to blurt out a random fact. It works each time. The sad consequence to that is no one takes her seriously. She plans to continue writing until the rapture. October? “Comment please, Camping”.


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Posted on 12 June 2011. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0.

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3 Responses to Stuffing your face: Gluttony or Necessity?

  1. Are you kidding?? The British blow goats with leprosy when it comes to food! KEEP WRITING!

  2. Hahaha!!! The rapture means we'll see the end of your articles, eh? Tough. Me thinks eating is NOT a waste of time. It's a luxury! Thats why we have taste buds!!!!! Who ever enjoys popping pills as a replacement for food anyway?